It's serious stuff.

One thing that Your Sinclair magazine was known for, some say renowned for, was it's utter seriousness. It was an Adultish magazine, for sensible, serious people. Wasn't it?

Recently, on the BookFace, someone borrowed an excerpt that I nicked from Archive.org. It was a small piece entitled "True Spectrum Facts", written by the redoubtable and talented author Dan Whitehead, who is certainly one of the best wordsmiths I've worked with, as I've adumbrated elsewhere in this blog.

For convenience, here are those true Spectrum facts, as published with Retro Gamer issue number nine, which went on sale on a no doubt sunny Tuesday of October 26th 2004. Well, the mag probably brightened up someone's day at least.

True Spectrum Facts

1. Army Moves was originally based on TV sitcom Duty Free, before Keith Barron refused to co-operate. The main sprite was redesigned as a jeep and the rest, as they say, is history.
2. The idea for the famous rubber keys came about when Sir Clive was absent-mindedly working on his keyboard and accidentally started typing on his dog's eyes.
3. TV "I don't believe it" funnyman Richard Wilson designed the mole sprite in Nodes of Yesod.
4. If all the Spectrums in the world were piled on top of each other, it would fall down.
5. The ZX in ZX Spectrum stands for Zoological Xodus, the name of Sir Clive's thrash metal band.
6. The Speccy was banned in Austria where the word "Spectrum" literally means "Haddock arse confusion"
7. In a bid to capitalise on playground slang, a Speccy with four eyes was developed. But then they flushed it down the bog and nicked it's lunch.
8. The "K" in 48K does not actually stand for "Kilobyte" - it's a reference to the number of times Manuel uttered his hilarious catchphrase in Fawlty Towers.
9. From issue 11 through to 23, Your Sinclair (YS) was printed on human skin in accordance with the Necronomicon.
10. We don't know if hunky movie star Colin Farrell is a Speccy fan. "Feck off, yer eejits!" the shag-happy actor shouted, as he sped off on his golden swan.
11. The special effects for the 1985 BBC series Chocky's Children were mostly done on a Spectrum. Mostly.
12. The fourth Horace game, entitled Horace Goes Dogging, was banned by Mary Whitehouse.
13. If cuddly Animal Magic presenter Johnny Morris had done a voice for the Spectrum, it would have been a highpitched squeaky voice, not unlike perpetual irritant Joe Pasquale.
14. In Friday the 13th Part IV The Final Chapter, Jason Voorhees kills a topless girl by shoving a DK'Tronics lightpen in each ear.
15. Because of union rules, the part of Benjamin Sisko in Deep Space Nine was played by the wizard from Atic Atac.
16. Geese have no concept of Spectrums, though they are excellent at Daley Thompson's Decathlon. Because of the fast beaks, you see.
17. Benny from ABBA is still stuck on the Sherlock text adventure after twenty years. The daft Swede.

Now, whether this small piece of silliness is funny or not is entirely up to you, my dear reader. But one of the BookFace comments was that this is all just childish. You know who you are. Let's examine that for a moment. Childish? Surely it's not childish? (You forgot to insert the "...and don't call me Shirley" joke here - Ed).

To provide some context, we need to remember the world of the 1980s, when the famous and very serious YS was at its height. Great Britain and her allies were in the grips of the Cold War against the Soviet Union (and back then, political leaders actually tried to stop an alliance between Russia and China, not ensure that one happens as today's happless and incompetent politicians have). Germany was not yet a singular and united sovereign state, and the battle axe Margaret Thatcher was overseeing the demise of, or (depending on your political point of view) the improvements of, the United Kingdom, by allowing Capitalists to busily export good manufacturing jobs to be replaced with insecure and low paid service sector jobs. These were very different times when there was still a significant number of black and white television sets in use. Some of you may even remember that a black and white television licence was cheaper than a colour television licence? Blimey, it's an age ago, isn't it?

If this is making you feel old, then my apologies. But as I like to say, at least we got here. What of YS in the midst of all of this? Well, this epic publication wasn't wasting any time on any childish stuff, you see. Whilst the comedic periodical known as Sinclair User was busy doing actual game reviews, and updating with related gaming and computering news and articles, YS was organising interviews with British Foreign Secretary of the day Geoffrey Howe. And the YS cover tapes, if played in reverse, would give you a synopsis of important monthly events, such as reports from the Labour Party Conference, or new white papers published by the Conservative Government, for instance. There was even a time when YS was trying to bag an interview with the Prime Minister herself. And the pinnacle of this seriousness happened when it published the very boring everyday adult stuff of mowing a lawn: the seminal Advanced Lawnmower Simulator. Yes, YS was about as much fun as watching Sunday Breakfast Television with the sound off. It's because Phil "Snouty" South was actually just the pen name of English political journalist and television and radio broadcaster, the late Sir Robin Day, you see.

Childish? YS was not. None of that juvenile stuff either about waggling joysticks, and not even a hint of a fart joke in sight. So somehow the aforementioned YS tribute issue (also known as Issue 94) published with RG issue nine missed the mark. Not just by a little, but by a lot. And this is why I love Social Media so much, as I can believe everything that I read on the Internet, as the 18th Century Philosopher Immanuel Kant once said.